Lehdistötiedotteet: I.1 (USA)

Recently, it was reported that GM Dan Sanders had gone missing, largely leaving remaining team leadership and management to take control in his absence.

Today it has come to light that not only did he disappear, but he also made agreements with countless international teams for the starting roster of the Doppelgangers.

Casualties of the bizarre trading spree included every national team player on the team, including veteran team captain Ted Keenan, who has been with the team for the last 15 seasons.

When we caught up with Keenan, he had this to say: "I just don't understand what's going on. Everything was business as usual one day, and then I wake up and hear that the team is being dismantled. All of my teammates are my friends. We're all gonna be scattered all over the world now because of this. I'm just at a loss for words."

The news of the trades and players sales caught everyone by surprise, but Assistant General Manager, Chester Mott immediately went into action trying to minimize the damage to the franchise.

"The first thing we had to do is find a goalie so that we weren't forced to play with our arena custodian in net or something. I managed to find a couple of free agents out there who will fill the void while we figure out what direction we're gonna go from here," he said.

When we spoke to the team's owner, he assured the press and general public that the lawyers were already involved, hard at work searching for possible avenues of legal recourse.

The franchise owner issued a prepared statement to the press early today: "We're currently looking into taking legal action against [Dan Sanders]. Thus far, our lawyers have not found any of his actions to be in violation of criminal laws, but we will absolutely be pursuing a civil lawsuit against him for his horrid mismanagement of our championship winning team."

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